When You're Gone
by mtngirlforever
Summary: Jay loses someone close to him and it breaks him. Not linstead. Sorry not sorry


**One shot. It's sad and painful. My release from my summer. Leave me a review.**

The call came in the middle of the night. He was slightly groggy as he answered. The words that spewed forth next from the caller left him completely and utterly devastated and broken.

Jay's broken cries of "no" woke Will from his sleep. He thought his brother was having another nightmare so he jumped up to go wake him. Before Will made it to his room, he heard glass shattering. As he pushed the door open the sight before him broke his heart.

In the middle of all the shattered glass from picture frames and broken bottles stood a sobbing Jay as he punched the wall, once, twice, and a third time. Will carefully ran across the room wrapping his arms tight around Jay.

"I've got you buddy. It's ok," he whispered as Jay sobbed in his arms. It took all Will had to hold them both up as Jay just sobbed. Slowly and carefully Will maneuvered them out of the room and away from the broken glass. Jay had cuts on his feet from it and his knuckles were bleeding and busted as well.

Will managed to get him on the couch despite Jay trying to fight him. He grabbed Jay's face making his little brother look at him. "I'm here Jay. It's ok. You've got to calm down," Will said gently still holding his face.

"Can't," Jay choked out between sobs.

"Then you have to trust me," Will said slowly letting him go so he could get his medical bag.

Jay continued to sob on the couch as Will grabbed it. He found his suture kit as well as a dose of lorazepam he kept for such occasions. He quickly gave Jay the dose hoping his brother would relax soon enough and he could figure out what the hell had just happened. While on most people lorazepam normally put people to sleep, on Jay, it just made him calm down and feel slightly drowsy.

Will waited for it to kick in and once he saw it had, he carefully started cleaning Jay's cuts. The ones on his feet were not deep enough to require stitches, so Will just bandaged them. His knuckles however were a different story. He carefully cleaned the blood away before starting to stitch them up. Halfway through he heard Jay whisper a sorry before letting his head relax on the back of the couch.

"It's ok. I just need to know what happened. That did not look like another nightmare," Will said gently wrapping his hand now that he had it stitched.

"No, it wasn't a nightmare," Jay said quietly as Will cleaned up. Will stayed silent giving Jay the space to continue when he was ready. He'd learned a long time ago not to push because that just shut Jay down more.

"I got a phone call." Jay silently started crying again and Will sat down wrapping his arms around Jay as he softly rubbed his head. "M... m... Mouse... was killed," he managed making Will hold him tighter. "He'll b... b... be... home Friday," Jay said clinging to Will.

"We'll be there. I'll take off and we'll do it together," Will whispered into Jay's hair as he held his crying brother. It wasn't long and Jay finally cried himself to sleep.

Will gently eased him to the couch as he got up. He got his phone and called Voight first. He relayed everything that had occurred that night as asked him to put Jay on leave. Voight readily agreed and promised Will whatever they needed they would get. He thanked him and hung up. He called Mrs. Goodwin next and explained everything again asking for leave for himself. While it wasn't ideal because the hospital seemed to stay so busy lately, she granted his leave.

Once those phone calls were handled he sent Natalie a text telling her he'd be off for at least a week and told her why. He knew she was probably still sleeping so he sat with back to the couch where Jay was keeping peacefully thanks to the help of the drug and Will closed his eyes. It was going to be a rough hard week, but he wasn't going to let his brother slip through any hole. No matter how hard he had to fight for him.

 **...**

 **Frida** y

It'd been a hard few days and honestly both brothers were exhausted. Jay didn't sleep much and Will slept when he could. He'd emptied the apartment of all the alcohol which drove Jay up the wall, but Will couldn't take the chance.

Mouse didn't have any family, so it was up to the brothers to plan his funeral. Jay insisted on doing it himself but Will fought to get Jay to let him help. In the end Jay finally caved.

He would be buried with full military honors in Arlington Cemetery in Elmwood outside of Chicago. Will had tried to get Jay to make it closer, but Jay insisted it needed to be as close to a national cemetery as possible.

On Friday morning, they headed to the airport to meet the plan. Jayh was surprisingly holding it together pretty well, but Will knew he could and would break at any moment. One casket after another was unloaded from the plane and Jay stood at attention the entire time. Once the caskets were loaded, Jay relaxed a little as they got in the car to follow the casket to the funeral home.

Once assured that Mouse was safely inside, they returned back to the apartment. Jay insisted Will go out to spend time with friends and Natalie and despite Will's repeated reassurance that he was fine at home with Jay, Jay insisted until Will left.

Once his brother was gone, the quiet of the apartment started getting to him. He sank down against the door of his room and started sobbing. His best friend and almost brother was dead. He wasn't coming back. There would be no more cases to solve together, no more unexplained but much enjoyed trips to the cabin, no more doing anything with the man who had saved Jay. He'd owed Mouse everything and now he was gone. He was lying in a flag drapped casket never to breathe again.

The sobs that tore through his body were enough to steal his breath as he sobbed and cried for his best friend and brother. Every memory they had together passed through his mind as he sat there sobbing. His body ached from all the tears but he couldn't quit.

He never heard Will and Nat come in. Will hadn't been able to enjoy a night out witg worrying for Jay, so Nat has suggested they come back. Both were glad they had once they entered the apartment and heard Jay's sobs and labored breathing.

It took all of Will's strength to shove the door open where Jay was sitting against it. He sank to the floor by his brother and wrapped his arms around him. "I got you Jay, I'm here. Just breathe," he said over and over slightly rocking them.

Natalie carefully joined them handing Will a cold wash cloth to put on Jay's face to help with the swelling from all his tears. She laid her hand on Will's knee giving it a squeeze to let him know she'd still be there before going out to wait.

After a few minutes, Jay slumped against Will sound asleep. He carefully maneuvered him into the bed, which wasn't easy given Jay was dead weight. Once he was sure Jay would stay asleep, he joined Nat on the couch. It wasn't long and he was out too from all the exhaustion.

The weekend was bumpy, but Monday was pure torture. They prepared for the visitation and arrived at the funeral home early. Will left Jay with the casket to say his peace before everyone arrived. Jay was stoic throughout accepting hugs and senseless words as people, mainly the district, fire hall, and Med, past through. By the end he was exhausted and worn down. He didn't want to leave but Will finally convinced him too. That night Jay didn't sleep much just flipped through emails and pictures between the two of them.

The next day, he dressed in his Ranger uniform despite how much he hated it. He made sure all the medals were straight and neat. Everything was crisp and in place. They drove to the chapel in silence. Jay still was not ready to say goodbye to his best friend.

They sat through the service, Jay barely hearing the words of the priest. He just stared at the flag drapped casket almost as if he stared hard enough Mouse would appear. They let the people that came leave first, leaving just Jay and Will. Will went out to give his brother a minute before they made their way to the cemetery.

Jay had no words. He couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to Mouse. He wasn't ready to believe this was all real. After a few minutes they came to load him into the hearse and Jay slowed went out to find Will.

All the way to the cemetery he was quiet. His head was refusing to believe what his heart already knew to be true.

At the cemetery, he and Will sat in front of the casket as the priest said the final words. Taps were played and Jay jerked with the twenty-one gun salute. The flag was folded and presented to him. It was over. It was time to say goodbye so they could bury Mouse. Will walked back to the car so Jay could say his last goodbye.

"I can't do it Mouse," Jay whispered after a few minutes. "I don't know how to do this. You're still supposed to be here. I don't know how to tell you goodbye. I don't know how to do this life without you. I don't know what to do," he cried. He laid his head on the casket as his tears just flowed.

After a few minutes, Will walked back over and wrapped his arms around Jay just hugging him as Jay cried. After a few minutes he lead Jay back to the car and they headed back to the city.

 **...**

The next week, Will returned to work, but Jay couldn't. He'd sunk deep into depression, not even wanting to get out of bed. Will was at a loss, not used to seeing his bigger than life brother sinking so far.

It wasn't until one night he heard Jay talking in his room that he knew Jay would eventually be ok. He'd been dreaming and Mouse visited telling Jay he needed to get his ass up and get back with it. He didn't like seeing him like this and he needed to get back to living. He told him not to worry about him because he was fine.

It was hard for Jay to hear but at the same time he knew he was right. He promised Mouse he would.

The next week he went back to work and while he was just on desk duty, he felt good to be doing something again. He visited Mouse at least once a week, always telling him new stories and things happening. He knew he'd always visit and bring things and while it was still hard he knew at some point he'd be ok. He'd see Mouse again.

 _How can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?_  
 _Everything I went through you were standing there by my side_  
 _And now you gon' be with me for the last ride_

 _It's been a long day without you, my friend_  
 _And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_  
 _We've come a long way from where we began_  
 _Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_  
 _When I see you again_


End file.
